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 Can't we just be nice? (Off topic bickering and catfights)
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DonnaYarb
Valued Contributor

Bonaire, GA
USA
244 Posts

Posted - 12/31/2004 :  7:23:35 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
What is with all of the bickering on this forum??? I click on a topic because it has several pages, thinking, oh good, something interesting to read, and most of what I read is bickering and catfights between people that have not much to do with the original topic of the thread. Its a bit of a downer. I know I come to this forum for support, not to watch hormones in action. This has happened on several separate thread. I'm just asking that for the new year we try to be a bit more supportive and stop taking words written so personally.

Thanks and have a great New Year!


Donna Yarbrough
MSPA Silver Certification # 4xkrhh
Shopping In Central Georgia

Nora
Star Contributor

PA
USA
6341 Posts

Posted - 12/31/2004 :  7:42:36 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
Great idea,Donna. My regrets for being part of the thread that I suspect you are thinking of.
Support IS key. Thanks for the reminder and a wonderful idea for the New Year.
Have a safe and happy New Year!
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Christina WNY
Inactive

Buffalo, NY
USA
305 Posts

Posted - 12/31/2004 :  8:02:45 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
Once personalities and individual opinion begin to be attacked... ugliness follows. No one enjoys being attacked (I don't think, at least) and sometimes defensiveness can be perceived as a continuing attack. Such a downward spiral.

Let's stick to the issues. Volition New Year's Resolution??

Count me in.
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HollyNC
Valued Contributor

Wilmington, NC
USA
144 Posts

Posted - 12/31/2004 :  8:50:26 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
You know, it's really sad. None of us are safe posting our opinions here; inevitably, we will be attacked by someone because they think they have a better solution or opinion. Any poster could start a thread stating that "the sky is blue" and he or she would get at least 5 responses arguing the point. Then there would be at least one poster or two who would ask which ICA was being violated.

MSPA Gold Certified

Shopping Wilmington, Carolina Beach, Wrightsville Beach, NC and Myrtle Beach, SC.
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Christina WNY
Inactive

Buffalo, NY
USA
305 Posts

Posted - 12/31/2004 :  9:35:41 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
The safe posting of opinions can only be achieved when one practices what one preaches.

Arguing points/reasonings/solutions happens... this is also known as debate. In this realm, debate is also optional.

Opinions/solutions/actions may be stated without feeling the need to insist that one's opinion/solution/action is best... once a differing opinion/solution/action is offered.

"Catfights" tend to occur when posters are personally attacked. My solution (and this is an opinion) leave personal attacks out of disagreements. I think we'd be surprised at the fewer amount of catfights we bear witness to or participate in.



Edited to add the following Forum Pet Peeves:

1. People who do not get that this IS a MS forum. ICA reminders are for the benefit of all posters. Some of whom do not know what is/is not a violation.

2. People who take personal offense (and proceed to personally attack) at dissenting opinions. Translation - When “I am sooo sorry” is the only acceptable response.

3. People who feel the need to pile on. No poster is required reading here. Going on and on... about how you feel someone else goes on and on...
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MarteeC
Star Contributor

Tampa, FL
USA
1352 Posts

Posted - 12/31/2004 :  10:43:09 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of
thought. -John F. Kennedy, 35th US president (1917-1963)
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AdAora
Star Contributor

Deep in the heart of, TX
USA
3770 Posts

Posted - 01/01/2005 :  04:13:09 AM  Reply  Reply with Quote
What a shame that we are now losing entire threads over these insults and bickering. There was the PSS thread and now the "police escort" thread.

There's nothing wrong with healthy argument and strong opinions but I guess some of us have to learn to let things go and not respond over and over again to every single post.

Gold certified in TX
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.Kenthe Sub
Inactive

WI
USA
658 Posts

Posted - 01/01/2005 :  05:27:05 AM  Reply  Reply with Quote
I believe many of us are quite strong-willed. Shopping and self-employment is not easy, it takes a lot of brains and determination. While I agree we should refrain from personal attacks I also feel some discussions that get a bit heated are good because it means the posters take the matter seriously.

I've noticed that, for the most part, posters seem to come back, apologize and move on. Is this any different than what happens in a community? The escorted by police thread brought out a lot of emotions, again because we perhaps see this issue a bit stronger than many. Today many are just plain apathetic on issues of discrimination, peace vs. war, services to people (Wisconsin is cutting service to autistic folks, including children), etc.

Perhaps a huge tragedy such as the Tsunami will shake some of us the dose of human suffering we need to look beyond ourselves and our immediate little World.

There's a part of me that hates to see posts that move into attack mode but there's also a part that sees most be able to step back, come back and get back on track. It is Ray Sola's right to remove posts that go over the top but I also abhor censorship.

Oh well, Happy New Year, all...
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KarenC
Member

Tennessee
USA
21 Posts

Posted - 01/01/2005 :  10:33:47 AM  Reply  Reply with Quote
I'd like to make a comment on this topic and although I am a new "member" ... I've been a quiet reader of this forum for more than a year.
Sometimes I think we forget that a person's tone of voice is imperceptible on a message board (sometimes it's plain as day)and without tone or inflection it's not possible to understand that a particular post wasn't meant in an ugly way.
Just because you "hear" the sentence in your head and type those same words the reader may "hear" it differently. Think for a moment how many ways you can say "No thank you" ... beginning with a warm, thoughtful appreciation to an angry put down.
Maybe a moment of thought is all that's required both from the person who writes a post and the person who reads it.

"Just put your big girl panties on and DEAL with it"
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Regina F
Contributor

South Bend, IN
USA
78 Posts

Posted - 01/01/2005 :  11:14:47 AM  Reply  Reply with Quote
I think alot of the troubles would cease if people would quit being self appointed censors and ICA police. If someone posts something that you think violates an ICA, LAUGH at them and go on with your life! Its NOT your rep/job on the line.

Also, unless Ray has hired a bunch more people to work for Volition, quit making yourselves the Volition Cops. If a thread migrates too far off topic for your liking, quit reading it. If Ray has a problem with it, he'll step in.

Bottom line, we are all adults here, don't try to be our parents and we'll all get along much better.

Reg

Regina
MSPA Silver Certification 8me3rm
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Ray Sola
Volition.com Staff

Prescott, AZ
USA
3099 Posts

Posted - 01/01/2005 :  12:28:55 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Regina F

Also, unless Ray has hired a bunch more people to work for Volition, quit making yourselves the Volition Cops. If a thread migrates too far off topic for your liking, quit reading it. If Ray has a problem with it, he'll step in.
First, the moderators are volunteers and we all should give them a big thank you for the help they provide. You don't see pyramid schemes and 400 posts with the title "Where do I start?" thanks to the moderators killing these posts before even one person reads it.

Now, on to the topic of this thread.

I do not read every thread. If you see something nasty, e-mail me about it. Don't assume I'll see it. I only read the thread Donna was talking about after reading Donna's post. I was not following that topic and no one e-mailed me letting me know about what was going on. I was sickened by the 40+ posts of off topic nasty things that were being said.

This morning, the original poster e-mailed me this:
Ray, Thanks for trimming the answers to my post. It was getting way off topic. I just wanted to know if you have a really bad experience should you give up the shop and call the main headquarters as a consumer. I was waiting for you to step in when things were getting crazy.

Sorry, the psychic friends did telepathicly send me a message to let me know about it and niether did she. It was a valid topic and that is why I did not just delete the whole thread. Instead I wasted much of my time on new years eve reading all that vile bickering and deleting anything off topic.


From the Posting Guidelines:

Don’t Be Afraid To Post.
If you’re new to our community, taking the step for the first time to post publicly to a message board can sometimes seem intimidating. Don’t be afraid to jump into a discussion. We have a very supportive community that serves up heavy doses of support, encouragement and enthusiasm. We love meeting new people and being friendly. While we hope that you’ll become an active participant and join in our discussions, you’re welcome, of course, to simply hang out silently until you feel more comfortable posting a message.

That is true and I hope new members are not scared off by a few rude people.

I use another forum for some software that I use and I know how it feels to be attacked on every question or post. There are a few on that forum that reply to every thread and know more than everyone on every topic.

Please use you conscience when posting a reply. Remember, there are no stupid questions, there are only stupid answers.

PS
The rudest posts somehow seem to happen late at night. Don't drink and Post!
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Regina F
Contributor

South Bend, IN
USA
78 Posts

Posted - 01/01/2005 :  4:22:08 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
Ray said:
PS
The rudest posts somehow seem to happen late at night. Don't drink and Post!


Hehe, makes you wonder what the reports look like from fine dining shops that require bar visits and extra drinks at the table! :)

reg

Regina
MSPA Silver Certification 8me3rm
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PamInCa
Star Contributor

CA
USA
6557 Posts

Posted - 01/01/2005 :  6:00:48 PM  Visit PamInCa's Homepage  Reply  Reply with Quote
That is too funny! Can you see the face of the editor reading those reports?

PamInCa
Author of: "The Essential Guide to Mystery Shopping"
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Nora
Star Contributor

PA
USA
6341 Posts

Posted - 01/08/2005 :  09:54:59 AM  Reply  Reply with Quote
This topic is going over many of our heads, it seems, one week into the new year. I don't believe it is unreasonable to assume that the definition of "nice" can safely encompass respect for opinions which we view as disparate from our own,without calls for censure. I believe this is a two-way street.
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LauraLinDover
Star Contributor

Dover, NH
USA
1202 Posts

Posted - 04/19/2005 :  09:46:40 AM  Reply  Reply with Quote
Is it just me, or has the negativity, bickering and complaining reaching an all time high here? I'm no saint, but seems to me there are alot of new posters who do nothing but complain and whine. For me at least, its making Volition not-such-a-nice-place anymore.

I think mystery shopping is a shoe that doesn't fit everyone. If it doesn't fit you, why keep trying to ram your foot into it, and just ending up with sour feet and THAN blaming the shoe?


Laura
Happily Shopping the seacoast of NH, Southern ME and extreme Northeastern MA
MSPA Silver Certified
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PamInCa
Star Contributor

CA
USA
6557 Posts

Posted - 04/21/2005 :  10:56:51 AM  Visit PamInCa's Homepage  Reply  Reply with Quote
I am wondering what threads you are talking about. I guess I haven't read them.

PamInCa
Author of: "The Essential Guide to Mystery Shopping"
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LauraLinDover
Star Contributor

Dover, NH
USA
1202 Posts

Posted - 04/22/2005 :  11:41:23 AM  Reply  Reply with Quote
Must be me than!
Maybe it's a sign it's time to stop spending so much time at the boards and get out there and enjoy life!

Laura
Happily Shopping the seacoast of NH, Southern ME and extreme Northeastern MA
MSPA Silver Certified
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OctoberInOhio
Star Contributor

South Salem, Ohio
USA
697 Posts

Posted - 05/07/2005 :  1:02:41 PM  Reply  Reply with Quote
quote:
Don’t Be Afraid To Post.
If you’re new to our community, taking the step for the first time to post publicly to a message board can sometimes seem intimidating. Don’t be afraid to jump into a discussion. We have a very supportive community that serves up heavy doses of support, encouragement and enthusiasm. We love meeting new people and being friendly. While we hope that you’ll become an active participant and join in our discussions, you’re welcome, of course, to simply hang out silently until you feel more comfortable posting a message.

I Can Relate To This One Big Time!!!
I Started Off Using Just The "Stuff I Found" & Job Posting Forums..Then I ventured Into Random Thoughts..."BOY OH BOY!!"
I Felt Like The New Kid @ School There At First..I Answered A Few Posts There With My Opinion.."Which Is What That Forum Is"..And Let Me Tell You..Did I Ever Get Some Hateful Replys Back!!! LOLOL
But Since..Everyone Has Got Over Their Initial Shock At My Opionated Posts And Answers There And Everyone Has A Real Great Time...Everyone Seems Like A Friend Now...So,Yea..Go Ahead And Post..If They Give You Sh%@..Ignore It And Eventually You Will Be Excepted For Who You Are...
I Know I Been There.
LOVE YA ALL!!!

October From Ohio
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MechelleNga
Valued Contributor

GA
USA
199 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  10:19:43 AM  Visit MechelleNga's Homepage  Reply  Reply with Quote
I too, have noticed that a few people, get "ripped" when they post. Myself, I truly don't care what anyone thinks of me, besides hubby, my son, mother and grandma.

I usually don't read 12+ pages of a forum, but I have wondered about one thing.


Would anyone be so "bold" to say these things, in the other person's face? Anyone can hide, behind a keyboard or a microphone.

Mechelle
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KellyBear
Star Contributor

Fairfax, VA
USA
1198 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  12:12:30 PM  Send KellyBear an AOL message  Reply  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MechelleNga

Would anyone be so "bold" to say these things, in the other person's face? Anyone can hide, behind a keyboard or a microphone.
I must say--although I usually don't get snippy on here, I do get into heated debates online with people I don't know... and I actually am the kind of person who will say things to people in person too! If I think someone is out of their mind, I tell them. If someone in front of me at a store can't put down their cell phone long enough to make a purchase, I tell them exactly what I think of them. And, if I have a problem with what someone says to me, I tell them. I can be brutal. But I'm really a nice person! Honest!
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MechelleNga
Valued Contributor

GA
USA
199 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  1:32:15 PM  Visit MechelleNga's Homepage  Reply  Reply with Quote
That's, exactly what I'm talking about (excuse me, that's the topic, I was referring to).

So many people can dish it out, but they can't take it in return. I would love to meet some of the "ignorant folk(s)", with their "two-edged" tongue.

Be ready to get your feelings hurt, when you step to me wrong.


Mechelle
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